Other Funny Stories About Cancer

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"But think of the story - Cancer-survivor-turned-HIV-activist - the solo show nearly writes itself. Cancer-survivor-turned-HIV-activist. Hold up, maybe should actually have an HIV test before I go around publicly lamenting my negative status."

"As a counselor at Peace Camp, I was unable to find one private moment, or quiet corner in which to masturbate. Perhaps this is because peace is a supposed common good, and the act of self-love is just that, self love. Either way though, I quickly became horny and frustrated."

"(from African Politics Take Home Final) I cannot believe I just had a wet dream. It was sexy, now sticky... Did I touch someone? You look like you're in the clear. Why would I even think that?"

"At the time of my wet dream, in my bunk, my personal level of self-hatred had reached a disturbing all-time high... WAIT. Stop. This is the wrong wet dream story - I didn't even work at Peace Camp until my cancer was totally over and I was over it..."

"But think of the story - Cancer-survivor-turned-HIV-activist - the solo show nearly writes itself. Cancer-survivor-turned-HIV-activist. Hold up, maybe should actually have an HIV test before I go around publicly lamenting my negative status."
	"As a counselor at Peace Camp, I was unable to find one private moment, or quiet corner in which to masturbate. Perhaps this is because peace is a supposed common good, and the act of self-love is just that, self love. Either way though, I quickly became horny and frustrated."
		"(from African Politics Take Home Final) I cannot believe I just had a wet dream. It was sexy, now sticky... Did I touch someone? You look like you're in the clear. Why would I even think that?"
	"At the time of my wet dream, in my bunk, my personal level of self-hatred had reached a disturbing all-time high... WAIT. Stop. This is the wrong wet dream story - I didn't even work at Peace Camp until my cancer was totally over and I was over it..."
"When I arrived back at my home, Ruth's Coop, I began conceiving my plan. Which woman was the easiest? Most attractive? Most noteworthy? Was there anyone I actually cared about? I didn't care abut caring... I didn't have time to care about caring. Nor about attractiveness, cup-sized or reputation... I saw each of my potential life savers in an efficient, misogynistic and desperate cost/benefit analysis..."
	"For the first time since my diagnosis, I pulled away with my head lowered, my lips pursed. My cancer face inspired immediate attention... She was powerless to its pathos. Raquelle quickly buttoned up her shirt, kissed my freshly shaven head and sent me on my way."
		"I always wanted a shaved head, just like you Brian... I pulled my lips shut, lest I reveal the sobering secret to my beauty. I always wanted a shaved head... I guess I just never had the balls to do it."
	"While the confessionals of empowered women repeated in the background, I was in another world. He wants to have sex with me... A touch on the hand confirmed this and I began smiling back. While our faces remained firmly in the direction of retellings of war and rape in Afghanistan, our eyes continued to exchange clandestine glances - our dimples blew kisses at each other."
"While 15-year-old kids were being harrassed I stood silently by, sucked it up, bit my lip and watched, waited until I felt confident that I wouldn't be asked to leave - that I wouldn't be shamed by the organization with such an umblemished mission, such a pure intent."
	"I don't know if that's the gayest person to get off to, or the straightest, but I do know that getting off to Cynthia Nixon officially makes me a lesbian."
		"As we lay on the floor - an awkward, one-balled queer and a 26-year-old art historian/tattoo artist, I confessed that I had just lost my virginity. Ahhh, conquest. (Brian lights a cigarette) Oh, post-coital, not offensive.