excerpt from

THE CONCLUSION OF ACT II

ARTHUR and his Uncle EUGENE have decided that the only way to reestablish order is to force ARTHUR's family (consisting of zany Grandma EUGENIA and mothers STOMIL and ELEANOR) to attend ARTHUR's wedding. ARTHUR's plan is all ready to go, with the small hitch that ALA (his first cousin) has not accepted his proposal. Weddings and prescribed gender roles are foreign to STOMIL and ELEANOR's liberal household.

 

ARTHUR: ...Do you consent?

ALA : I think I need a little more time, Arthur.

ARTHUR: I need an answer immediately. You've had plenty of time.

( EUGENE shifts his gun from the family to ALA who is frozen. )

ALA : Yes?

ARTHUR: Thank God!

EUGENE : Thank God!

ARTHUR: Now we can start…

(ARTHUR pulls ALA and makes a pose for a fake wedding photographer, and then sits her down on the couch.)

Grandmother, your blessing.

EUGENIA: Oh leave me alone. I haven't done anything to you.

ARTHUR: But Grandmother, ( sweetly ) everything's changed now. I'm going to marry Ala. Give us your blessing!

EUGENE : ( hits the gun against the table to the family ) On your feet, everybody! Can't you see this is a solemn occasion.

ELEANOR: (disgusted) My goodness, is my son going to get married ?

EUGENIA: Get that boy out of here! He's going to torture me again!

ARTHUR: ( menacingly ) Grandmother, your blessing.

STOMIL: A tasteless, heteronormative joke. It's gone on long enough!

EUGENE : ( triumphantly ) The jokes are over now. You've been having your jokes for fifty years. ( reaches in his jacket pocket and produces a bright pink bra ) Stomil – pull on a bra! (STOMIL and ELEANOR both shout . EUGENE moves to STOMIL and, at gun-point, forces her to put on her bra. She struggles. ) Your son has just plighted his troth. The days of the bra-less existence is past. Bless them Eugenia.

EUGENIA: What should I do, Eleanor?

ELEANOR: Give them your blessing if it means so much to them.

EUGENIA: Can't that do without it? It makes me feel so old.

EUGENE : A good old-fashioned engagement. Give them your blessing, Eugenia or I'll shoot (refers to shooting STOMIL). I'm going to count to three. One…

STOMIL: This is incredible. If a woman can't be comfortable in her own home…(she struggles with the bra's many snaps) BETTY FRIEDAN!

EUGENE : Two…

EUGENEIA: ( only inches towards ALA and ARTHUR ) A blessing upon you dear children… now go to hell!

EUGENE : ( honestly moved by her sentiments ) Just like old times.

ARTHUR: We thank you Grandmother.

EUGENE : Stomil has put on a bra! A whole new era has begun!

STOMIL: ( noticing ELEANOR's sudden change in emotion ) Eleanor! Are you getting, sentimental ?

ELEANOR: ( sobbing ) Forgive me… forgive me… bad feminist…bad feminist… But Arthur's getting engaged… and after all he is our son… I know I'm being terribly old-fashioned, but it's so… moving. Oh forgive me, Stomi. I'm so ashamed.

STOMIL: Oh, do what you want, all of you! ( Runs out )

EDDIE: If you'll permit me, on this joyous occasion I would like to wish the young couple all the best for the days to come, and especially…

ARTHUR: You! To the kitchen! And stay there until you're called.

EUGENE : To the kitchen!

ELEANOR: ( trying to collect herself. ) When's the wedding?

ARTHUR: ( simply ) Tomorrow.

The door to STOMIL's door has opened as ARTHUR speaks. A bra is thrown directly at ARTHUR' s head, and there is an immediate blackout.

END OF ACT II